Monthly News — April
In this newsletter you will find: My journey to peace, my first podcast, the review of the month, and my latest integration collaboration that saves you money. Keep reading!
Spring Has Sprung
April in Portland is magical. Spring has officially sprung, the cherry blossoms are bursting and the city’s waterfront is bustling.
It’s not just the blossoms that make April special to me. Five years ago this month marks the anniversary of my first psilocybin experience. As I reflect back on what has transpired in my life from then until now ... well, it’s nothing if not transformational!
Below I share my very personal journey from then until now. My hope is that my story may inspire others as they embark on their own healing journeys.
From Surrender to Faith
How I Found GOD Through Psilocybin
At the start of 2019, I had just been laid off for the second time in a two year period. I was a single, unemployed mother of two with a big mortgage and a lot of worry about my future. Although I was the one who initiated the dissolution of my 20 year marriage a couple of years prior, I was full of self-doubt, anxiety and I did not want to be single. I love love and the hopeless romantic in me was excited about new possibilities. Without doing any real work or self reflection, I decided 2019 would be the year I would start dating again. I created a shiny new dating profile on multiple platforms and let the swiping fun begin. Between dating and looking for a job and raising two young women, I was busy!
It didn’t take long before I was swiping and matching and scheduling first dates. My ego never felt better. The weeks that my children were with their father, I would fill up my dance card with coffee dates, walking dates, dates over drinks and dinner dates. When I wasn’t dating, I was going out with girlfriends. I was rarely home alone and that was by design. Sitting at home with only myself and my worries was the last thing I wanted to do. To the outside world, I presented a very happy and confident woman but inside I was scared shitless and I worked hard to distract myself from sitting with those fears.
Finally, after a few months of dating I met someone who I was excited about. He had a quiet sort of confidence that others did not. He was an entrepreneur, he was funny, he was attractive and he never missed an opportunity to open my car door for me. I was smitten from the first date. We dated for several months and things were going well. Then, sometime in April we both decided to try psychedelic mushrooms for the first time together. That first time was magical. We shared a very special evening exploring our inner world together and I just knew that we were going to fall madly in love and live happily ever after. At this point, you can probably guess how that worked out. By July we went our separate ways and I was heartbroken.
Fresh off of a breakup, I travelled that summer to Europe and Africa with my mom and my daughters where we all were swept away into a magical vacation of a lifetime with lions, impalas and giraffes, oh my! It was the perfect remedy to a broken heart and it had been booked and paid for long before my last layoff. As all good distractions do, the vacation ended and I found myself back in Portland still single and still unemployed and still scared out of my mind. I was at my breaking point and had no idea what to do next.
The next thing I did was a surprise even to myself: I sat down and prayed. My whole life I had fought hard against organized religion and although I believed in a “higher power” I had never found a need to get in touch with said power. I considered myself a good human being who contributed to the world and treated others fairly and decently and I had everything under control. Until I didn’t. Until I was so scared and anxious that I couldn’t even be alone with myself for fear of drowning in my own inadequacies. I was new to this prayer thing but I sat down and said what I knew to be true. I asked GOD to help me to surrender. I recognized that I was not doing such a stellar job of running my life, so maybe he could take the reigns for a bit? That single prayer of surrender kicked off a series of events that ultimately changed my life forever more.
I won’t bore you with all of the details from then until now but what I will tell you is that when you ask HIM for help, you shall receive. Just like a psilocybin journey, it never looks like what you expect and it is never on your timeline. One short month later, I received a job offer for a job I did not want but had to take to pay my bills. Six months later that man who previously broke my heart called me up one day out of the blue and although I was very bitter and angry, something swayed me to pick up the phone and swallow my pride. Seven months later the world as we knew it came to a screeching halt and we all were stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and our feelings. It was my worst nightmare and I had no where to run, except to HIM.
It was at the height of the pandemic that I decided I wanted to explore mushrooms some more and so I did. Over the next couple of years, I facilitated my own solo journeys at home and each time brought new insights and more healing. It was also at the height of the pandemic that I started seeing that same man again and to be honest, this second time around was still pretty messy. When I asked GOD for surrender, he came through in spades. The next couple of years were extremely difficult with a few highs but also a lot of lows. I hated my job but did it anyway. I fought hard to not fall in love, but did it anyway. And although I had asked GOD for his help, I fought HIM every step of the way. Forty-six years of trying to control everything is a hard habit to change. Then one evening HE came to me during my most significant psilocybin journey ever. It was on that evening that I truly invited Jesus Christ into my heart and my life. From that day forward, things I had longed for my entire life slowly began to fall into place.
I don’t want to sugar coat my story, however. Life is still hard. I still get scared and I still worry. The difference now is that I have learned to lean on HIM, trust in HIM and rest in HIM. GOD will let us struggle because he wants us to turn to HIM instead of spending all of our energy trying to control that which is out of our control. It is a difficult lesson to learn. I had been trying to control my own destiny as a means of protection since my earliest childhood traumas. My path to faith has not been easy and I think that is the point. Every day I have to choose HIM first and foremost. When I’m struggling and scared, I turn to HIM and ask for his guidance and he never lets me down.
While life is still hard and the world we live in is more chaotic and noisy and scary as ever, I have more peace than I have ever known. I am confident that no matter what twists and turns life may throw my way, I will be ok. My mindfulness practice always includes prayer, whether I’m sitting still or moving my body, I invite GOD to the table and he never lets me down. My prayer for this world is that others may also find this level of peace through his unconditional love and protection.
At the end of the day, my faith has nothing to do with church, with politics or what others say or don’t say or what others do or don’t do. It’s a personal journey and a personal relationship between HIM and myself. I don’t preach or try to convince others to believe. I share my story in the hope that I may inspire you to reconsider what you think you know about HIM because Lord knows that I held all kinds of preconceived ideas and judgements prior to my awakening. I judged HIM based on the actions of other human beings who claimed to believe instead of going straight to the source. I wake up grateful everyday that psilocybin was the catalyst for my biggest and most important transformation and I continue to integrate that lesson daily. HE continues to challenge my faith and I continue to grow.
I hope that my story inspires you on your own path to healing and transformation. Thank you for reading it to the end.
Review of the Month
“When embarking on a journey such as this, picking the right person matters, and I am so happy I picked Michelle. She made me feel comfortable and taken care of from the very beginning. She’s empathetic, listens carefully, and caters to the individual. I would recommend her to anyone!”
I had the pleasure and opportunity to join the very talented Karin Calde as a guest on her podcast, Love Is Us and now I’m hooked! I am now manifesting more podcasts for my future. If you’d like to listen or share with friends, click the photo above.
Massage for Integration
I am excited to announce my newest collaboration with Susana Mojica of Rest and Restore Massage Therapy. Susana has created a special list of mobile massage services and a discount code for Tree of Life clients. For more information and to book her for your next post journey integration experience Click Here!
